That Damn Good

Ladies and gentlemen, doing something fast and good could possibly indicate that something nefarious is afoot. It could mean that someone's using performance-enhancing test answers, but it is a shared constellation of symptoms also consistent with "being that damn good." I know, it's an illness that countless support groups have been unable to help me with thus far. Most of the time this affliction is just something that I try to fight my way through -- I just bite my lower lip and continue to be that damn good in the face of adversity. However, kinetics has taught us all an important lesson about the dangers of being that damn good. In kinetics if you take less than "35 seconds" per multiple choice problem on a quiz, this means you obviously are either a well-trained Chimpanzee or you're cheating. Still don't believe I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you're cheating? Look at this graph I made:


I rest my case
And if you are, in fact, as butthurt as I am over the blatant skull-fucking of our grades following this mess, don't worry! Pharmacy School isn't about points, it's about how much we learn about friendship chemistry counting by fives how to get high really cheap drugs n' shit. Relax, while the flagrant ocular penetration of your GPA occurs, just take solace in the fact that pharmacy school is apparently analogous to 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?' I'm sure Rho Chi only admits the people who...ummm...learn the most about drugs n' shit! You can also just fish your underwear from your crevasse as I'm sure potential employers are just as susceptible to believing this 'Grade A Walt Disney Bullshit' as the COP thinks we are. Right guys? Right?

With this in mind, I went ahead and redid the extracurricular part of my resume to include "being an all-around sunshiney person," "lollipops and gumdrops," as well as "laying eggs made of goddamn gold."

Awesome related to how this entire kinetics situation felt: