For you unfamiliar with the concept of an FAQ, this acronym stands for "Frequently Asked Questions." These documents are designed to handle a bulk of stupid questions so they never lead to an actual human being/pharmtard answering it and rolling their eyes because its the thirteenth goddamn time they've dealt with said issue that day.
Q. My drug is both generic and costs greater than $4 -- spoonfeed me some common sense!
A. Congrats motherfucker, you just learned lesson number one of pharmacy. Why do we have a $4 generic drug list posted online and in a half-dozen locations throughout the store? Because every godddamn generic isn't $4 dollars. Your lazy ass could check it yourself if you really wanted to, but lo and behold you've outsourced common sense to underpaid technicians and just-right-paid interns to explain that we have a list for a fucking reason -- everything isn't on it. If everything was on it, we wouldn't have a list in the first place. Do you go to the grocery store and expect to pay the same for ramen noodles and filet mignon? Hell-the-fuck-no! This is the same space-age concept employed when comparing ibuprofen and omeprazole -- a drug fairy doesn't make this shit happen by waving her wand. Now if you pull around the building, I'll listen to whatever you have to bitch about the next time around while charging you what you say is your left leg ($20) for your "stomach pill."
Q: The computer said my drug would be ready at 2'o'clock, and now it isn't! Everytime I come here wawawawawawa, slowest pharmacy in the state wawawawawa.(Kroghetto specific question)
A: You're a goddamn liar.
The "computer" (as if you talked to HAL 9000 himself) isn't even programmed to ever say 2:00 under any circumstances -- I fucking checked, happy? Yet three times a day some confused person doddles into my pharmacy demanding their drugs at 2:00 when the "KUM-POOT-ER" actually says 2:15. Funny how he says an exact goddamn time it will be here and ready, yet you insist the computer says 2:00 to you and only you like you're his special friend. I wonder about these people, I really do. We cover basic directions a caveman would understand in elementary school -- firetrucks are red, school buses are yellow, and when the big hand points to the three I'll have your goddamn Xanax. Come back when the big hand points to the three.
Q: This isn't what I paid last time for drug X!
A: This isn't actually a question (it's usually an obscenity-laced exclamation), but I'll address it anyway. In short: "Yes, it fucking is." Your local pharmacy isn't like the emaciated guy down at the flea market with mysterious lesions, hawking pirated movies and "collector's knives" -- we keep fucking records. Look what I have: records of what you've paid for drug X for the last year, and the same illegible (yet consistent) scribble you passed off as a signature (twelve times). While Ray-Jay on the local street corner may have a lapse in his cracked-out memory, this guy keeps better books -- Daddy somehow always knows your goddamn price just right, so let's not play this retarded game...Feel free to fork over an amount of cash I could inevitably shake out of my goddamn couch and I'll toss you an amber vial full of happiness.
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Mega dittos. It's amazing how even after you show them a digital record of them paying the same price for the past year they still want to argue that 2+2=5. At that point I just want to be like, "Lifetime ban! BOOM! GTFO!" Unfortunately doing what makes sense is all too often what gets you fired.
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Omg I love you. I'm printing this out and taking it into my kroger to help boost morale. I feel like a broken record every single day.
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