The Missing Spleen Caper

There are inevitable fluctuations in what a pharmacist dispenses, most of which can be explained in a non-criminal manner. For example: getting multiple Zipsor ($100 diclofenac liquigels, I shit you not) scripts in a given week can simply be explained by a Zipsor drug rep riding through town, rather than by an epidemic of osteoarthritis or a similar epidemic of MD lobotomies. Other fluctuations are not so easily explained away. For example: on my CRAPPE II my preceptor was dealing with having to order more and more pneumococcal vaccines. Seems like half the time someone gets weight-loss surgery they end up pneumococcal vaccines. Now, being a fatty (I do believe that's the correct medical terminology) predisposes one to a lot of things: diabetes? Sure. Osteoarthritis? Yeah. Needing a comically small scooter to ferry you about the grocery store? Mmhmm.


"Back ass?" It happens.
But pneumonia? Not typically your "Obesity-associated illness." So upon reviewing the surgery record for a few of these folks, it turns out that the surgeon accidentally nicked the patients spleen during a laporascopic lap-band procedure. For those of you at home who have played Operation, there's a bunch of other organs in that area The only difference between those organs and the spleen is that you can't just rip those out, wipe your hands on your pants, and call it a day if they start bleeding.


"Pancreas? Sure that one's important?"
Now that's not to say that shit doesn't happen. "Shit happens" is my explanation for, like, half the things that I do wrong, ever. And spleenectomies are a RARE complication of a weight-loss surgery; they're not a "buy a fuckton of pneumococcal vaccines, daddy's got a new knife" kind of complication.

I'm not even sure how it happens that often, but my preceptor proposed the theory that the surgeons get paid by the organ -- validated by the surgeon driving a car that costs more than my childhood home. I proposed that they were field-dressing the patient -- validated by simple geographic location.

Awesome:

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