Behind Closed Doors

I hadn't blogged about it yet, mostly because as pissed as it made me and as livid as I am at the absurdity of the whole situation -- it hadn't actually impacted me personally. However lo and behold Sunday at 4:30 I received an e-mail from our Kinetics professor (who the fuck else is doing anything at 4:30 on a Sunday afternoon) saying that he needed to see me in his office on Wednesday at a time when Daddy inexplicably has other things to be doing.

Now I'm going to tell you how I really feel.

Absurdity #1: Lies and the lying liar who told them. Why were we informed that a certain college faculty member would be present during this entire process only for that to then turn out to be a lie? I'm not sure if I should be upset or pleased, because it was never explained to me why they were there in the first damn place.

Absurdity #2: My time and your time. I must say, the COP really showed it's priorities last week when they allowed Dr. Old Andy Richter...


Shit, he's even got the smirk
...to schedule his interrogation times during times when he knew good and damn well you were in class. Worse still is that no one bothered to 'Miranda-ize' us and tell us our rights. For all we knew refusing to attend meant that he had every right to burn our goddamn house down and feel smug about it. So pharmtards had to leave class to have their nuts squeezed or risk further raising the ire of Dr. Richter. I'm a firm believe that you can determine an individual's or institution's values based on their actions, and it's become apparent that the COP values Dr. Richter's waterboarding above class time.

Absurdity #3: We have no rights. Not only do we lack a proxy 5th amendment right to not incriminate ourselves (remember, Dr. Richter infamously said "silence is not an option"), but we also lack other basic human rights such as knowing what we're being accused of, knowing what few rights we do have are, and generally knowing what the hell is going on. Can I refuse waterboarding if I have class? What's the maximum amount of time my genitals may be placed into boiling water? What's my safe word?

Absurdity #4: None of his procedure is in writing ANYWHERE. Go look it up, there are procedures that are supposed to be followed during situations such as these and you know for damn well Dr. Richter hasn't followed a single one of them.

In fact, I'm not even sure what he's basing his prosecution of us on. Go look at the syllabus: the phrase "Honor Code" appears three times: once applying to the copyrighting of the software, and the other two applying to written examinations. Nowhere does it say that the honor code even applies to quizzes. Now, Dr. Richter can be as intellectually dishonest after-the-fact and try to brand the quizzes as exams, but the software itself calls them quizzes and his very own syllabus calls them quizzes. Hell, another faculty member called his ass out on this one -- but the witchhunt continues.

After this is all over I want to draft a student's bill of rights. Buried amongst the obvious things will be one's that this COP apparently finds to be less obvious, like the right to not be yelled or cursed at by a professor, or the right to not have my scrotum dipped in hydrochloric acid (I can only assume this is what happens in Dr. Richter's office, after all, why is the door closed?)

Awesome related to my facial expression in Kinetics for the rest of the semester: