Skynet requires more Lortab, Nathan.

So today I spent the entire day operating the dispensing machine, which I lovingly referred to as “Skynet.” You’re basically a high-tech healthcare bartender once you get stuck on this thing, because it counts, bottles, and labels everything it dispenses and you just put it in the correct basket and recount it if it’s a control. Hell, half of the controls I “recounted” I actually did with a different machine, just to avoid the sound of spatula-on-tray. If you count via one of these machines, be sure to say “I make counting hydrocodone look sexy.” Also, I looked at the wholesale price of a 500 count bottle of Plavix and realized that it was more than the price of my first vehicle -- wtf?

For those of you that haven't gotten the memo (kudos to JT for filling me in), the COP is considering dividing your next summer's CRAPPE into 3 different sections. You could get a May, June, or July hospital rotation. This is of course because there "just aren't enough hospitals" to place us all in. My response is that I "just don't have enough middle fingers" to express how much I dislike this. Although, I may call off my upcoming surgery to have 8 of my fingers replaced with middle fingers if they just fix the way the CRAPPE is billed -- i.e. make it so my poor ass doesn't have to eat anymore ramen noodles. On a side note, what does scurvy look like?

The "I will chew off my own arm to spite my hand" award of the day goes to Notre Dame graduates who are boycotting their own graduation because the president's giving the commencement speech there/receiving an honorary doctorate. The good news is I'm sure they make manila envelopes large enough so that their stupid asses can receive their degree in the mail like some DeVry Institute of Barbor Schoolin' grad. It could be worse after all -- the president could not care enough to attend your graduation, or you could have this guy in attendance. Srsly, whats your problem? If you're stupid enough to boycott your own graduation because POTUS is in the house, you probably deserve the big ceremonial manila envelope treatment for your degree anyway. I'm just saying if John McCain popped up at my UKCOP graduation as the president, I'd be right there -- someone CPR certified has to be there, right?

Here's your awesome content, pharmtards: